


On The Moon- Phan

by bandhoez9194



Series: Nature's Vengeance [2]
Category: All Time Low (Band), Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Amnesia, Apocalypse, Cute Dan Howell/Phil Lester, Dan Howell/Phil Lester Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Forced Prostitution, Gang Rape, Hurt Dan Howell, Insecure Phil, Kidnapping, M/M, Minor Character Death, POV Phil Lester, Phan Week, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Sad Dan Howell
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-07 03:54:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13426263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bandhoez9194/pseuds/bandhoez9194
Summary: 6 months after returning to the moon, Dan is settling back in well. His bones have healed, his skin losing the sensitivity of his scars, he's back home with his family and friends, he's happy.Phil is not. He's on edge with the strange - to him - atmosphere of safety, calmness, and love that surrounds the people of Settlement 2022.Phil is restless, paranoid, and suffering from extreme PTSD. He lashes out or reacts without thinking, especially if something either startles him or feels threatening to Dan.This is causing Dan to grow frustrated with his fiancè, making him feel as if he's losing him. And when Phil takes off to go back to Earth, Dan follows. What happens there is what no one ever pictured of happening.With Emily's, Belle's and James' help and shocking memories of their past, can Phil save Dan and fix things before its too late? Or will Dan never feel the safety that lives On The Moon again?





	1. Prologue: Home

**Author's Note:**

> Finally! A sequel!! Lol I really hope you like this one, I actually planned it out! Which I never do! But I wanted it to be good, sequels usually never live up to the first one. 
> 
> This one is going to have much more triggering stuff in it considering Phil has PTSD and Dan is going to suffer some EXTREMELY bad things later, which I feel so bad for cos Danny is my baby bear :( but its for the book, it was needed xP 
> 
> I promise I will mark the parts of Dan's suffering so one will ever feel unsafe, and if you ever need someone to talk to my Twitter, Instagram and Wattpad are always open (dragonfier4-Twitter/Instagram and bandhoez9194 is Wattpad)
> 
> I hope you all enjoy this! Kisses!
> 
> ~Banana

_**Phil** _

Dan and I had been back for 6 months now, and I had thought everything would be fine. I had my Bear back, we were safe, we were happy.

At least... he was.

He was home, he was back in familiar territory, he was with his family and friends, he was safe. He was happy.

I was on edge. I was nervous, paranoid, terrified that at any moment a tremor would rock the ground and crumble the building on top of us.

Nightmares of seeing that hotel fall to the ground several months ago still plagued me. Seeing the concrete slabs and metal beams crash around us as other buildings around us shook, glass shattering loudly.

**PHILS NIGHTMARE ITS A LITTLE DARK**

 

_I whirled around, my eyes widening as the sight of my Bear hobbling towards us desperately as the walls around him crumbled filled my mind. "Dan!" I screamed, ready to sprint to him but James' and PJ's hands holding me back prevented me doing so._

_I watched helplessly as the concrete slab fell, twisted pieces of metal sticking out. "Phil!" He cried out as the slab hit him, his eyes rolling back almost immediately. PJ, James, Chris, Mitchell and I rushed forward, dodging the falling rubble and quickly picking Dan up, and rushing away as the building groaned, collapsing completely._

_I stared at the broken form of my unconscious boyfriend, his shoulder almost completely caved in and a twisted piece of metal sticking out from his eye. Blood covered almost his whole right side, his breathing faint._

_As I watched, his already faint breathing slowed completely, his body falling completely limp. "No, Dan!" I screamed before everything went black._

 

**WE'RE GOOD :D  
**

I jerked awake, Dan's name on my lips. My eyes went straight to the calmly sleeping boy next to me, his breathing steady and relaxed. His features weren't exactly expressionless, as he did have a faint smile on his lips, but he didn't seem to have a care in the world.

I watched him sleep for a while, unable to shake the image of his pale, unmoving form laying across my lap. I wrapped my arms tightly around him and pulled him carefully to my chest, a soft sigh falling from his lips as his hand gripped the fabric of my sleep shirt.

I felt his strong, steady heartbeat against my side and felt myself relax as sleep fought to overtake my mind once more. A soft sound, a faint whispering of, "Phil," and a light movement of a body curling closer to me had much of the tension leave my body as I held him tighter.

_He's fine. He's safe. He's alive. He's here with me. He's happy. He still loves me._

I kept thinking that as I buried my nose into the soft curls that lay strewn across my arm and the pillowcase. I held him carefully, knowing that too much movement could either wake him or cause him pain, neither of which I wished to do.

I sighed, shifting slightly and feeling a little disturbed that the bed barely moved as I did so. It felt wrong. Things were supposed to move. Things weren't supposed to be like this. It felt like I was waiting for something to happen, for something to shake and the building to crumble around me.

I closed my eyes. _He's safe. Hes alive. He's fine. He's happy. He's here with me. He still loves me._

I kept the chant up in my head and soon drifted off, thankful that no dreams haunted my mind.


	2. On Edge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our boys go to a party to celebrate the 8 year anniversary of the final ship making it to the Moon and Phil has an anxiety attack

_**Phil** _

I yawned, stretching out. Dan wasn't in the room and I felt a split second of panic before I heard the shower running, sighing as I laid back again.

I have these moments of utter terror whenever I couldn't see Dan, especially in the mornings when the image of him dying was fresh in my mind nightmare after nightmare. I never told Dan about these, not wanting to put a damper on his happiness from being back on the moon, but they were wearing me down.

"Dan?" I called as I heard the shower turn off and the door open a few seconds later. My brown eyed boy walked into the room, smiling brightly at me. "Good morning Lion," he said happily and I couldn't help but just smile at his cheery tone.

"Good morning Bear," I said fondly as he moved to me, still wrapped in only a towel, and pressed his lips to mine. I chuckled as he pulled away, making him raise an eyebrow curiously. "Look at my Howell wrapped in a towel," I joked and he groaned as if suffering.

"Really Philly? The jokes?" He said playfully and I smiled innocently. "Of course, what's new?" I said sweetly and he let out a long suffering sigh.

I laughed, nudging him with my shoulder. "You love me," I said and he sighed again, this time fondly as he smiled. "Of course I do, I have for a very long time," he said softly, kissing me again.

I smiled into the kiss, the feeling of being at peace returning like how it always did only during the few moments I had alone with him. I pulled away and hugged him, resting my head on his shoulder and closing my eyes.

He hugged me, knowing I usually needed these few seconds in the morning to recentre myself to remember this was real. He rubbed my back and kissed my cheek, myself feeling his smile against my skin.

"You okay Lion?" He asked me softly and I hummed, burying my face into his shoulder. "Better when you're here," I muttered and he kissed my forehead, hugging me tighter. "You know I'm never to far Lion. All you have to do is call me and I'll be there okay? Even if you need to just take a few minutes to calm, or to recenter, I'm here," he said softly, and I just smiled.

I took a deep breath and pulled away from him. "There's a party tonight right? For Settlement 2022?" I asked quietly and he nodded, looking at me with his one good eye concerned.

"You don't have to go sweetheart, you know that," he said softly and I forced a smile weakly. "I know, but we haven't seen our friends in a while. I, I can handle a little bit," I said, trying to put up a facade of bravery.

Dan just smiled knowingly and said, "If you're sure Lion. Just remember, if you need to go, just tell me okay?" I nodded, knowing I wouldn't tell him. I didn't want to seem weak or ungrateful for what Dan had done for me, for us. He got us to safety, and here I was terrified of it.

He went to go get dressed while I got ready for a shower. While I was terrified of what I believed could happen, I knew I would miss showers if I lost this. I would miss a lot of things, like being able to cuddle Dan in the safety of our own home again, turn off the lights and us just lay there and watch each other with the natural light of the stars that seem so much closer here on the moon.

I took another breath and got into the shower, washing quickly while I listened to Dan sing softly in our room. I got out and stepped out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped securely around my waist and one drapped over my shoulders.

Dan was sitting on our bed, brushing out his curls. He looked up as I stepped in, smiling as he stood up and stretched. He winced as he lifted his bad shoulder, rolling it carefully before stepping to me.

I kissed his cheek as I went to the closet, grabbing my blue star shirt and a pair of black jeans. I dropped the towel and grabbed a pair of pants, pulling them on before grabbing my jeans.

Before I could slip them on though, I felt arms wrap around my waist and a gentle kiss press to the back of my neck. "You seem tense Lion, are you sure you want to go?" Dan asked me softly, loosening his hold so I could turn around and wrap my arms around his waist.

"I'll be fine Bear. I promise. It can't be any worse than London a year ago right?" I said, faking the brightness in my voice. He watched me for a second before leaning in, kissing me gently. "If you're sure Lion. Just remember I'm here for you okay?" I nodded and smiled at him. I knew I could count on him, I always could. Since I was 22.

We finished getting ready and went to the main hall. The party was to celebrate the 8 year anniversary of the final ship making it to the settlement. Dan was growing quieter and quieter the closer we got to the hall.

I stopped him before we reached the doors and asked, "You okay Bear?" He took a deep breath and said, "Every year they had this celebration I never went. It was just a reminder of how many years passed since the last time I saw you. It marked the anniversary not two days before when you walked away telling me to go. I usually hid in my room, not even Adrien came near me."

He looked down and took another breath. I didn't know what to say so I just reached out and pulled him into a tight hug. "I can't understand how it was during those years when I can't remember them. But I can tell you I'm here now. And I'm not going anywhere," I whispered to him, kissing his forehead.

He clung to me, resting his head on my collarbone as he breathed in. Finally, he nodded and pulled away, straightening his spine and taking my hand. He looked at me and asked, "Ready?" I nodded and replied softly, "Ready."

~~~~~~~~~~~DnP~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was not ready. The noise level kept me on edge, the sounds of children running around and screaming, playing with toys that were rather loud kept making me jump and cower into Dan.

I kept smiling though. I wasnt going to ruin all of these people's happiness just because I was scared. I smiled and laughed when Emily and Mitchell came over and greeted us, Belle and James not too long after. Louise came over with Darcy and announced she was going to have another baby, making Dan squeal and hug her tightly.

I had hugged her too but kept glancing around nervously at the loud chatter and laughter of the people around me. I could tell that Mitchell, James, Felix and even Troye were all also on edge, but they also seemed more at ease than I was.

Dan pulled me into a quiet corner and asked me quietly, "Are you okay, Lion?" I laughed weakly and said, "I'm okay. A little tense though, I'm not used to all of the loud noises." He pulled me into a hug and hid my face into his shoulder. I closed my eyes and clung to him, breathing in his familiar and comforting scent to remember I was fine, I was safe, I could do this.

A minute or two later I could feel my racing heart calm down and I took a breath, pulling away slightly. Dan smiled softly and pulled me into a kiss, his hand resting over my cheek and hiding the scar. "I'm here sweetheart, okay? Don't worry," he said softly and I nodded, glancing back into the room.

"Ready to go back? Or would you rather go back to our rooms?" He asked me and I shook my head. "We haven't eaten dinner yet, and I know you were wanting to stay for it. I'll be fine, I can handle a dinner. But, can- can we leave after? I know we'll be missing the after party and the performances but I just-" I started rambling but Dan covered my mouth with his hand.

"Love, I don't care about the performances or anything. I care about you. If you don't want to stay, we don't have to. I told you, give me the word and we can go," he said softly and I smiled weakly. "Ready to go back?" He asked and I took a breath, pulling him into a hug and soaking in the comfort I felt near him. Finally, I nodded and he kissed me gently.

He pulled away and took my hand, leading me back into the crowd. I had a feeling things weren't going to end well.

~~~~~~~~~~DnP~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I cursed myself, knowing I should have listened to my instincts. The dinner was tense for me, all of our friends sitting at the same table as us, all laughing and enjoying themselves. Even Dan seemed happy, his smile never leaving his face. I could tell his shoulder was in pain, considering he never moved it, but we had left the painkillers in the room.

Nearing the end of the dinner, Dan and I were telling everyone we wouldn't be staying for the after party, that we were tired and wanted to rest. They were all disappointed but understood, telling us to have a good night.

But before we could go, a loud bang echoed through the room, sending my anxiety and paranoia through the roof. I stood up and grabbed Dan, sprinting from the room.

"Phil! Phil! Lion! Its okay! It was the beginning of the performances, its okay!" Dan called to me, tugging at my arm. I didn't slow though, rushing back to our rooms terrified.

Finally we reached our rooms and I finally let go of Dan, my breathing erratic and my blood pumping terrified.

Dan approached me warily, reaching out to me. I flinched when his hand touched my arm, making him retreat and making me feel like shit. "I'm sorry," I whispered and he just smiled sadly.

"Its okay Lion, but I'm here okay? Its okay, its safe," he said softly and I let him walk closer, forcing myself not to flinch as he took my hand gently. "Safe, safe," I muttered, throwing my arms around his neck and hiding in his chest. He carefully led me to our bed and had us lay down, covering us and letting me burrow in the darkness.

"I'm here baby, I'm here," he whispered and I nodded, my shakes starting to calm and I let the bubble of comfort surround me. We laid there the rest of the night, nothing being said or neither of us moving. Only time we moved was to get into more comfortable clothes and so Dan could take his pain pills.

We curled up on the bed, still no words being said, letting the darkness envelop the room. Our curtains were drawn shut, the lights off, no sounds other than our breathing. My bad feeling stayed with me the rest of the night.


	3. Birthday Explosions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mitchell's birthday and some explosions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So sorry for the wait xP I've had such baaaddd writers block its not even funny. I barely finished this chapter and Idk when ill upload again but I promise it'll not be as long of a wait as this one. Anyway, some major signs of PTSD in this one, and very mild violence. Enjoy!! <3
> 
> ~Banana

_**Phil** _

**Two weeks later**

I stared at my reflection, watching as my simple breaths made the scar spreading from my temple to my chin seem to ripple along my skin. I frowned, looking away from the puckered skin to my eyes.

Any life that had been in them seemed dulled, new worry and frown lines starting to cover the laugh lines that decorated the areas next to my mouth and eyes. My hair was a mess, dark bags hung under my eyes, my lips were chapped, and my face seemed thinner.

What did Dan see in me?

A knock came at the door and I jerked, not expecting the sudden noise. "Phil? You alright in there?" Dan's voice came through the wood and I took a deep yet silent breath. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just brushing my hair and we can go," I replied, keeping my voice even.

I picked up the brush and ran it through my fringe a couple times, thinking absentmindedly that I needed a trim. It was getting rather shaggy.

I finished quickly and splashed some water on my face, drying my skin before stepping out to see Dan pulling a shirt down his torso.

I smiled appreciatively as he pulled the midnight blue cloth over his pale silky skin, watching the faint muscles ripple across his back. I moved forward and wrapped my arms around him carefully, knowing his skin was still sensitive but getting better.

He jerked lightly as my arms encircled him, but relaxed back against my chest. "Well, hello there," he hummed and and I smiled, burying my nose against his shoulder. "Hello," I mumbled against his skin and he chuckled.

He turned around carefully and wrapped his arms around my waist, unable to get them around my neck with his bad shoulder. He kissed me lightly, lingering only a second before letting me bury my face into his collarbone.

"You alright Lion?" He asked softly and I shrugged, not saying anything. He didn't reply to my silence and just let me hug him for a minute. He always knew what I needed, even if I didn't. I could count on him, and I loved it.

A few moments later I took a breath and pulled away, but not letting go of his waist. He smiled faintly at me and said "Better hun?" I nodded and his smile grew as he carefully pulled from my grasp and took my hand instead.

"Lets go, Emily is waiting," he said softly and I nodded. It was Mitchell's birthday, and Emily had a huge surprise party planned for him. All of us who had been on earth almost 7 months ago were invited, so we had about ten minutes to get to the garden before Emily came to take us there herself.

We left, hurrying down the hall and smiling at people we knew. "There you are! Hurry! Emily said they'll be here in a minute!" Belle said hushed and we scampered to our hiding spot.

I could see Belle and James hiding behind the pillars near the main entrance, Josh and Tyjo with Chris and PJ behind the hedges surrounding the perimeter of the garden, Tyler, Troye, Michael and Calum hiding near Dan and I behind the rose bushes and Luke and Ashton with Felix and Marzia behind the tall sunflowers near the back in the shadows.

Emily was with Mitchell, having told him she wanted to show him something in the garden before they went to dinner. They were going to dinner for just the two of them, but Emily wanted a small party for him with the rest of us before then.

James peeked around the corner and whisper called, "They're coming!" We all ducked down in our respective places, watching as the duo walked in, talking quietly together.

They got to the centre of the room and Emily twisted her hand in the predecided gesture and we all jumped out of our places.

"Happy birthday!" We all yelled and Mitchell and I jumped at the sudden noise, myself pausing and stepping back with Dan as everyone else swarmed the grinning birthday boy.

Dan took my hand, looking at me worriedly. "You okay?" He asked softly and I took a breath, nodding. "Yeah. The noise startled me though I was expecting it," I replied softly and he smiled. He pressed a soft kiss to my cheek before taking my hand.

"Let's go say hi to Mitchell," I said quickly and he just nodded, letting me lead the way over to the small crowd of friends.

We waited in the outside perimeter of the crowd until people started walking away. We approached and Mitchell smiled widely at us. He pulled Dan into a hug before looking at me. When I nodded and smiled he pulled me into a slightly more gentle one and I relaxed. He understood, he was there too for just as long.

"Happy Birthday Mitch, 27 now huh?" Dan said with a grin and Mitchell smiled, nodding. "Yep. Feeling old now," he said and I rolled my eyes. "I'm almost 30, what are you talking about?" I said, feeling a little more relaxed and he laughed.

"I'm catching up, I'll be as old as you soon," he joked and I rolled my eyes. "I'm not old. My soul is still young," I said with my nose in the air and I heard Dan mutter, "Yeah, maybe the age of 5," and I glared playfully at him.

He smiled innocently at me and Mitchell laughed. I rolled my eyes and threw my arm thoughtlessly around Mitchell.

"Do I really act like a 5 year old?" I asked and he grinned at me, wrapping his arm around my waist. "Well Philly, not all the time. But when someone brings their dog around you do tend to get childish," he replied and I frowned

"I'm not 5," I grumbled and Dan just smiled fondly. "Hun, you're acting 5 now," he said and I pouted at him. Mitchell and Dan laughed and I sighed. No winning this argument.

"Hey guys! The cake is coming!" Belle popped up behind us making me jump and yank my arm from Mitchell as I whirled around. Belle backed away quickly with her hands up and I frowned guiltily.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled and she just smiled, taking my hand and squeezing it. "No worries love. No harm no foul. But do you want some cake? Emily made a really big marble cake with the best kind of frosting, not the whip cream kind," she said, mock shuddering when she said whip cream.

I smiled and nodded slowly, letting her drag me and Mitchell over to the cake. Mitchell went and joined Emily next to the cake while Dan and I stood on the outside of the crowd. Felix and Troye joined us, Marzia and Tyler closer in with Chris and PJ.

Felix slowly tugged me away from Dan who was focused on everyone singing Happy Birthday and eventually had me someplace where no one could hear us.

"How are you feeling bro?" He asked softly and I shrugged. "I'm always on edge, expecting something to happen, and I keep having nightmares of the night that building fell on Dan except in those he doesn't survive," I said quietly and Troye wrapped an arm around me.

"Everything is fine, Lion. We get it, it is a little unsettling. We're on edge too," Troye said softly and I sighed. "I know we're safe, I know we don't have to worry, but I can't get rid of the feeling something is going to happen. I've had a bad feeling all day," I said quietly as we watched Mitchell blush brightly as everyone finished singing and he blew out the candles.

Troye squeezed my waist and dropped his arm, watching the small scene with a faint smile. "We'll be alright. We're home safe, our families are here with us, we're with our loved ones again, we'll be alright," he said softly and I nodded, letting myself breathe as Dan turned confused before catching sight of me before smiling brightly.

He walked over and took my hand. "You okay?" He asked and I smiled, nodding. "I love you," I said quietly and he smiled fondly. "I love you too Lion," he replied before bringing my hand to his mouth and kissing the back of it.

"Are you okay? Any pain?" I asked as Felix and Troye went to find Marzia and Tyler. He smiled and shifted his shoulders. "A little stiff, but not much pain. Nothing I can't handle," he said and I nodded.

As I looked up again, a loud bang ripped through the air as Louise and Emily popped a small firework. Belle's eyes flew to them before flying to me, and probably for a good reason.

As the bang erupted I cried out and yanked my hand from Dan, falling backwards. "Emily! I told you no fireworks!" Belle screeched as she, Dan, Felix and Troye rushed to me.

I could barely pay attention, my vision blurred with scenes of buildings crashing around me, watching that concrete slab fall on Dan once again.

"Dan!" I screamed, watching as the metal pierced Dan's skull and he collapsed. I felt hands grab me and I panicked, striking out as I looked around and saw the bandits I had killed holding me, evil grins on their faces.

"No! Get away!" I yelled, fighting with everything I had to get away from them. "Phil! Phil! Lion!" One of the bandits yelled, but he had Dan's voice? And how did he know my nickname?

"Philly, baby, hey its okay, I'm right here," the bandit said in Dan's voice and I blinked a couple times before the blurry scenes faded and all I saw was Dan's concerned eyes, a small red mark on his cheek.

I reached up slowly, stopping when I saw him flinch. "D-Dan?" I whispered and he smiled softly at me. "I'm right here Lion, I'm right here," he said softly and I reached out again, touching the small mark on his cheek.

"I- Did I-?" I choked out and he shrugged. "It wasn't your fault, you reacted. Don't worry, it doesn't hurt," he said softly and my heart broke. I hit him. I hit my Bear. "I- I'm so- sorry, I- I didn't mean-" I gasped and he took my hands into his.

"Don't worry about it Lion. It doesn't hurt," he said softly and I just stared at him soundlessly. I pulled away from him and curled into myself, the slowly darkening bruise on Dan's cheek filling my mind.

_I hit him. I hit him. I hit him._

"Philly? I'm so sorry, I completely forgot about the sound, I'm so sorry," Louise whispered to me but I didn't move. My eyes were focused on the floor in front of me, the same words running through my head.

_I hit him. I hit him. I hit him._

I could hear everyone around me trying to talk to me but I blocked them out. I needed to figure out a way to make sure I didn't hurt another person. Dan had a bruise on his cheek, James had a thin cut on his neck, and even Belle, Belle, had a small bruise on her jawline.

I was going to go talk to the president of 2022, and request to be sent back to earth. I wasn't settling, and I was hurting everyone around me. Emotionally, mentally, and apparently physically. I couldn't do it anymore.

"..il? Phil?" Dan's voice broke through and I suddenly realised we were back in our rooms. I blinked and looked up at him. I was on the bed, sitting curled up next to the foot of said bed.

I stared at him for a while, taking in his features. He smiled gently at me and handed me my pyjamas, saying, "Why don't we get ready for bed and we can cuddle okay? We're safe Lion, don't worry."

I frowned, looking at my yellow emoji bottoms and the red NASA shirt he had handed me. First thing I could think of saying was, "These don't match."

He laughed lightly and said, "Pyjamas aren't meant to match, they're meant to be comfortable. So get changed Philly, and come cuddle me." He went and laid on the bed, his feet near my knee and his face in the pillow.

I stood up slowly and shakily, slipping my clothes off and into the clothes Dan gave me. I stood at the side of the bed, hesitating to get in it. I didn't want to touch him, I hurt him, I didn't deserve to touch him.

Dan sighed, muffled by the pillow before rolling over and taking my hand. He pulled at my arm and whined, "Cuddle me, I'm cold." I smiled weakly yet still fondly, slowly getting into the bed.

He gave a sleepy cheer and threw his arm around me, cuddling into my side and nuzzling my neck. "Warm," he mumbled and I smiled a little easier until he moved his head again and I caught a glimpse of the bruise on his cheek.

I made my decision, I was going to talk to the president the next day and request being sent back to Earth. Dan was never going to be hurt by me again.


	4. Down To Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil makes a major decision and it affects more than just him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hallo frens. You enjoying my story? I really hope so, I have a lot of plans for this one. Also I'm very sorry for the delay, its been... A really crazy several months. I'm expecting a baby girl in 8 weeks, I'm getting married next weekend, he's going to the army in March only a couple weeks after the baby is due, I got into a fight and got cut off by my best friend a couple months ago, its been just crazy. But I'm back now, and am going to try to write more! Kisses!!
> 
> ~Banana

_**Phil** _

I woke up early, feeling Dan pressed against my chest. He was still sleeping deeply, his breath tickling my neck and warm against my skin. I laid there for a few moments, taking the time to memorise his features.

I pressed a very soft kiss to his forehead, lingering just a moment before carefully extracting myself from his bear hold. I stood, stretched, and stopped. I could feel my heart breaking again as I watched Dan curl up into the place I was laying, his hand clutching the pillow as he rubbed his cheek into the fabric.

I turned and quietly started to pack my stuff, mainly my clothes and a few other small essentials. I took two pictures only, leaving the rest for Dan. One of my entire family before the world broke, and one of Dan and I hugging, Dan's smile blinding as he showed off his engagement ring to the camera.

I stopped and examined the pictures, feeling a longing for those days. I looked at Dan again, seeing the small ring glistening on his finger against the black and green pillow case. He never took it off unless he was showering, and even then he put it right back on before even his clothes or anything.

My heart hurt knowing that the wedding we had planned for a few months would never happen, not just for me but because it would greatly sadden him. He was looking forward to it, telling everyone we knew that he was finally marrying his Lion.

That thought almost made me change my mind, almost made me think that maybe I was making a rash decision, but one glance at the bruise coating his cheek I knew I needed to go.

I finished putting my things into my bags and sat down in the living room with a sheet of paper. I stared at it before checking the time. 8 am. I still had a couple hours or so before Dan woke up, which would hopefully give me enough time to write this letter.

I looked down at the paper in front of me, twirling my pen between my fingers. Thankfully my writing hand wasn't the one injured, though I still felt phantom pain where my fingers were supposed to be.

I shook my head, refocusing. I needed to have this done before Dan woke up. I took a deep breath and started writing.

_Bear,_  
_I hate to do this but I can't handle this anymore. As much as I love being here with you after all these years, I'm not settling into this life. The safety, the calm, the comfort. It's not what I know._

_I don't want to go, but I need to. I'm just a danger to you and our friends. I'm hurting you not just emotionally and mentally with the worry and concern I know you all feel for me needlessly, but as shown yesterday, I'm hurting you physically. I don't know what I could do if I fell back into my head like that again. And that terrifies me._

_I love you. I love you so much, it's impossible to even comprehend. That day I put that ring on your finger, that day was the happiest moment of my life, right after meeting you for the first time back when we were just 18 and 22._

_I'm writing this as you sleep my Bear, and its killing me to know that I'll never hear you tell me you love me or call me a_ _spork_ _again. Or see your beautiful smile or the way your eyes crinkle when you laugh. But I need to go. I'm so sorry, but I do. I love you._

_Your Lion_

I read it over a couple times before taking a breath and folding it in half. I laid it in the middle of the table and stood up. I walked as quietly as I could into the bedroom and gazed at the sleeping form of my Bear one last time.

"I love you Dan," I breathed and I heard him hum softly, curling further into the pillow I had left. I heard him mumble, "Phil," in his sleep and my heart skipped a beat painfully. At least the last thing I would hear from him was my name.

I turned around and grabbed my bags, walking quietly out of the apartment and down the hall. Thankfully, it was early enough that no one was around and I made it to the main offices without much trouble. I'd gotten turned around once or twice but thankfully there were signs everywhere so that even a person who was easily turned around like me couldn't get too lost.

I took a breath once I reached the offices and went to the door of the presidents offices. I took another breath and knocked on the door.

The door opened and a young woman smiled at me. "Yes sir? How may I help you?" I smiled and asked, "May I speak to President Likeau? My name is Phil Lester." Recognition flashed in her eyes and she said, "Oh! You're one of those boys that expedition brought back! Let me see if she's available."

She turned around and let me in, having me sit in one of the chairs in the lobby like room. She disappeared into one of the doors along the hallway and a few minutes later she came back with a smile.

"She has a few minutes free, and said for you to come right in, Mr. Lester," she said and I smiled gratefully at her. "Thank you, Ms..?" I asked and she replied, "Parker, Ms. Parker. And you are welcome."

She showed me into the Presidents office and closed tbe door behind me as I looked at President Likeau.

I bowed shallowly as I said, "Madam President, I apologise for coming at such an early hour but I have a request I would like to make." She just smiled and said, "It is no worry, Mr. Lester, I've been here for a couple hours already. What is your request?"

I took a deep breath as I looked right at her. "I would like to be sent back to Earth without any of my friends knowing until I'm already gone. I don't want them to try and stop me," I said, my voice surprisingly steady and my back straight.

She blinked surprised and asked, "Why? Is Settlement 2022 not to your liking?" I sighed and shrugged. "Not really Madam. I'm struggling a lot, I can barely rest. Its.. I don't know how to say it. Its too calm. Too serene. I can't relax because I've lived under complete paranoia and chaos for seven years.

"I've.. I've hurt my friends mentally and emotionally since I've been here because I'm not settling. And last night.. I hurt them physically during a flashback. My fiancè has a black eye, my closest female friend has scratches and her fiancè has bruises and scratches on him. All because I couldn't relax.

"I'm a danger to them and I- I can't be anymore. I can't let myself be the reason they're hurt or hurting. I love them too much," I whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear.

She watched me for a while and sighed. "Alright. We'll send you back, but we will also make sure you have proper provisions to last you at least two months before sending more. You are a part of this settlement now, and we take care of our own. Is that acceptable?" She asked and I nodded, relaxing immensely as relief flooded my veins.

"Thank you so much, Madam President. I appreciate it so much," I said, the relief leaking through my tone. She smiled sadly and said, "I am very sorry you couldn't adjust to our home, but do remember that no matter what you will have a home here. During our bimonthly drop offs of your supplies, if you ever feel like you wish to return home, let them know and they will bring you home. We won't let you leave and forget about you, understand?"

I nodded, smiling gratefully at her. "Thank you very much Madam. If I find anyone who wishes to leave though, may I send them here? I'd like to save as many people as I can," I requested and she smiled. "Of course, Mr. Lester. That would be very welcome. I will make arrangements for your ship to leave in an hour and a half, is that agreeable with you?" She asked and I nodded.

"Yes Madam. I have my things ready, and I've left notes for my friends. I left them with my fiancè as he will not awaken most likely before 10 or 11," I replied and she nodded, typing a couple things into her wrist phone before looking at me.

"Would you like one last meal here before you go? You can eat while you wait for the ship," she asked and I hesitated before nodding. "If its no trouble, Madam," I said hesitantly and she smiled, rolling her eyes. "I wouldn't have offered if I thought it would be trouble, Mr. Lester. I'll have Ms. Parker bring you a plate shortly, you can stay here while I have things prepared," she said a little jokingly and I smiled faintly, sitting on the couch on the far side of the room.

She left and I took a breath. She agreed. This was truly happening. Within an hour and a half or so I would be going back to Earth. I'd never see my friends or family again, at least not for a long time.

My thoughts raced with memories, newly remembered ones from before the world broke to the ones we'd made since I first found Dan that day when the lamppost fell on him. I barely noticed Ms. Parker come in with food, barely getting out a thank you and a smile before getting lost within my thoughts once again.

In no time at all, the door opened and I jumped up as President Likeau walked in. "No need, Mr. Lester. I'm just here to inform you the ship is ready, are you?" she asked with a slightly sad smile.

I nodded slowly before picking up my bag, my knuckles whitening as I gripped it. "I'm ready," I replied softly and she nodded, checking her watch before turning around and leading me out.

I followed quietly, unwillingly taking in the peace, the calmness of the atmosphere, the stillness of the air. And as nice as it was, it solidified my need to go. It was too calm, too peaceful, too still. I was too on edge, waiting for something to happen.

"Mr. Lester, are you alright?" President Likeau asked me, suddenly making me realise we were in the room with the ship. I jumped at her voice and turned sharply towards her.

"Oh! Yes, I am, I'm sorry ma'am, I was lost in my thoughts," I replied apologetically and she just smiled. "Well, your ship is ready to leave, there is two months worth of supplies in the cargo that the men will help you unload once they've reached the landing zone. You will be headed to Washington, DC instead of London as most of the city as collapsed. DC is still mostly intact, is that alright with you?" She asked and I nodded, a little nervous.

I knew nothing about the American capitol, nor the area, but it was something new, maybe it would push me to want to come back in 2 months time.

I shook her hand, giving her a faint smile. "Thank you for letting me go, Madam President," I said softly and she smiled a little sadly. "You're welcome, Mr. Lester. We would rather you comfortable and happy than forced to stay here, and remember, we will always be available if you need us. Now, are you ready?"

I took a breath and handed my bag to one of the attendants standing next to us patiently. I looked at the doors, half hoping I would see that familiar curly brown hair standing in the windows, begging me to come back, but saw nothing. Just a flash of brown and green that I figured was just another attendant, not what I wished to see.

I turned back to the ship and nodded, ignoring the longing of my beautiful fiancé fluttering in my heart as I headed into the cabin that would put me to sleep for the two day flight ahead of me.

"Good luck, Mr. Lester," President Likeau said softly and I smiled faintly at her as I buckled in and picked up the face mask. I set the mask over my mouth and nose as the door closed, breathing in twice with my eyes locked on the window.

As the gas started to take affect, I saw the same flash of brown and green near the ship, close to the luggage compartment. I frowned, but before I could think too much of it, the gas took over and my mind faded to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is that mysterious green and brown flash? Guess you'll find out in the next chapter!! I hope you're all enjoying this, and I'll see you next time!! Kisses!!
> 
> ~Banana

**Author's Note:**

> Hella short but it's just a short insight to what Phil's feeling. Most characters won't be major characters but Phan, KicktheSticks and my originals will be. Along with the ATL boys, at least Alex and Jack, Septiplier, and Joey. But they'll be coming in later. 
> 
> QOTC: Do you think Phil's reaction to the Moon is going to affect everyone around him?
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! See you next time!!
> 
> ~Banana


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